A measurement of how much I have changed over the last 10 months can be surmised in one short midnight chat session on Facebook Messenger.It started with a concerned inquiry of my well being.
To which I replied all was well on the home front.
Some niceties were exchanged and then came the question:
So are you going back to the church now?
This kind of took me aback.
I'm not a confrontational type person, and this particular kind of confrontation has always made me feel uncomfortable.
I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and values. As long as you're a person of integrity then I welcome you into my life. I don't care that our belief systems may differ as long as it makes you happy and I'm happy then we can all be happy together.
If the aforementioned question had been asked of me ten months ago, eight months ago -or lets face it, even six months ago I would have either ignored the question, laughed it off, or backpedaled with explanations of my actions.
This time, I didn't do any of those things.
Yes, I go to church.
No, I'm not perfect which is why I'm going to church.
The trouble with changing ones course in life is that sometimes, you end up doing things that people who are familiar with your old patterns aren't used to.
For many personal reasons, I quit going to church.
I felt betrayed and didn't trust the people whom I should have been able to trust.
But that's just it:
The People were the ones I didn't feel right about.
The Church principles that I believe in haven't changed.
It took a really long time (almost 12 years) for me to understand that people are just people.
They're not perfect either and sometimes, they'll make mistakes.
I need this in my life. I lived so many years wandering aimlessly existing but not really living.
I'm not trying to be a hero or anything like that, I just need something to keep me moving.
I'm still learning, and my faith is still growing and some days are a lot easier than other days but it sure is nice to have something to believe in.
As many times as I fail, I'll keep trying again and again because I want to know what it's like...