Drowning

I'm tired
I'm done
I'm doing all I've been told to do and I'm floundering
I'm angry
I'm stressed out
I don't know where to go from here
I don't know what else I can do
I'm trying so hard to not give up
It's all I can do to hang on
It's hard to have faith when you're drowning in darkness

Just Journal Day 2

This.

This picture is my reminder today.

A reminder that the girl on the left existed.

A reminder that I am not that girl anymore.

Today, I am the girl on the right. 

Still sad, still tired, but sober.

The last 15 days and 21 and a half hours have been a mentally exhausting roller coaster.

This picture allows me to see that there is a difference occurring no matter how minute it might seem. 

These two pictures side by side allow me to measure my progress. 

There's a lot left ahead of me.

I've got a lot to work on.

But this is my reminder:

I don't like looking like the girl on the left.

I don't like who the girl on the left was becoming.

I am better than her.

Just Journal

I sat with my doctor today.
He asked what I did with my days.
I was embarrassed to admit that I'm not doing anything at all.
Like, not a single thing.
I blinked back tears afraid he'd admonish me for I don't know what... being depressed and in a mental fog after fighting the demons in my head every day.
But he didn't.
He gently told me that it was okay.
It was okay to do nothing.
It was okay to feel not okay.
Instead he told me he was proud of how far I've come defeating those thoughts and challenges every day.
Then he challenged me.
If I can do anything at all-
Just journal.
One page a day.
I think I can do that.
So here's my first journal entry.
I'm learning that it's okay to be tired, it's okay to just breathe.
I can let go of the warrior pose and the Cheshire grin.
This isn't where it ends,
it's where I begin.