Hash tag Gamer For Life

My Grandpas both loved playing games. 

I'd say my Grandpa Layton's favorite game was Canasta, and boy was he a competitive player! 

One of my favorite memories was sitting around the card table with him holding his cards in front of his face and laughing while wiggling his eyebrows. 

His eyes, twinkling behind his glasses as he silently dared me to make a move. 

He won. 

All the time.

He was a great card player.

My Grandpa Conrad loved Crokinole. 

As the years took from him his speech and mobility, it never seemed to take away his incredible aim with the Crokinole Cue! He was a sure shot and would smirk everytime he blew one of us out of range. 

I always enjoyed playing games with my Grandpas.

I think we have something on common.

I love games.

I have all these great games sitting on shelves and I just can't wait until my kids come home so we can play. 

Throughout the year, we seem to be caught up in work, school,  and the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

The only time we seem to gather to play is over the holidays.

I plan to change this in the New Year.

I want to enjoy my kids' company before they grow up and move on with their own lives.

I want to put phones and technology behind so we can talk and laugh. 

I want to cement a bond so that when they're away from home one day, they'll look back and remember the looks on their faces, the "remember the time when..." moments. The fun, the lighthearted laughter of an uncomplicated time.

I want them to want to gather home and play.

I want them to leave their stresses behind, let down their guard, to feel like time has stood still.

I still remember the look on my Grandpa Layton's face when I told him I knew how to play canasta.

The glint in my Grandpa Conrad's eye just before he lined up his cue.

There's one other thing we may have in common...

I like to win too!

Mind over Matter

When you stare life face to face,
That's the real thing.
You can't run.
You can't hide.
It's there.
Staring right back at you.
All the wrongs you've done.
All the rights.
You do the math and it doesn't wash.
How do you compete?
Why do you even care?
If all is said and all is done...
Why is there so much left to do?
How do you accomplish?
How do you overcome.
Weaknesses, Strengths.
It's all in the mind they say.
Mind over matter.
If you haven't got a mind it doesn't matter.
Yet here I sit spinning.
Wondering if anything is worth my mind.
Wondering if anything matters.
Asking myself "why" over and over.
If it doesn't matter... why do I mind?

Echo

When you think you know and you don't know anything at all.
When you work so hard and you don't have anything to show.
When you give your heart and soul but nobody gives a damn.
And all you've done- ends in broken shards.
You spend all your time searching for answers and when you do they end up wrong.
The road is paved with good intentions.
But nobody counts the blood and tears.
So another day ends and all is forgotten- except the things that haunt you most.
All you can see are your mistaken errors and all the times you felt you lost.
This is my day and this is my nightmare- And all that echos are the fears in my head.

The same old song

When your whole heart aches because your mind's been shattered.
And you're shivering cold in the heat of summer.
When you want to scream but no one cares.
And you want to run but you don't know where.

When all your friends are superficial.
You think they know you but you don't know yourself.
You want to tell but your concious won't let you.
And you hold it all in until you think you'll explode.
And then you gasp for air but there's nothing there.

When all you do is an empty cycle.
You think you can but you know you won't.
You want to cry but the tears are dry.
And you curse yourself but you don't know why.

And then it plays again, an endless rerun.
You want to let go but you know you can't.
Because it hurts too much and then you see.
How alone you are in world of hope.
And you take a big breath buy you just can't cope.

And then it plays again
The same old song.

Where Did Wonder Woman Go?

Once upon a time I thought I was Wonder Woman.
That I could do it all.
Well I spoke the truth.
I wore the bracelets and braced the shield.
I destructed anyway.
If the jet was real, I'd fade away-
Instead, I'm hanging up my sandals.
Throwing down the sword.
Make Believe was my armor,
Now it's an unamoured lie.

The Harder I Try The Better I Fall

The world squeezes so tight that I can't breathe.
I'm moving forward in liquid motion  watching people dance by in a blurried frenzy.
A friendly voice on the end of the line in a twisted fate hides a cowards face.
Stuck in a prison I'm afraid to leave watching rose petals fall in a listless angst.
Here's to the dreamers wishing on fallen stars.
Here's to the realists living on borrowed dreams.
To the ones who love and to the ones who live.
I used to be the one who lived to love.

The Light At The End.

I stand alone in a crowded room
I open my mouth to scream a silent scream
My face is set in a stoic silence, inside I break into a thousand pieces.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel.  I spin around and the light is still there.
Which way do I go?
"Into the light!"
What do you do when there's a light at both ends?
When you give up your life because you owe it to others.
Which light do you choose?
Or is it safest to stay in the shadows where shadows don't disappoint.

Money Can't Buy Me Happiness....

I had the opportunity to travel to Victoria and Vancouver BC this past week.

It was a whirlwind of travel and fun and exhaustion all at the same time.

Many of you know that the reason behind my trip was for a few job interviews I had in Victoria.

Because of some minor delays and what not, I actually only made it to one interview.

This was THE Interview.

The one I wanted.

The job I wanted.

This was IT.

I went to said interview.

It was not as exactly as I had imagined it.

It was BETTER.

The Job was perfect for me.

The pay was great.

The setting Absolutely Beautiful.

The housing market quite the same as here.

The best part is!?! 

I got this dream job.

I had a lot of time to think on my way down.

A lot of time to think on my way back home.

I love British Columbia.

I will end up there soon.

I regretfully have denied this job.

The sole reason:

I made a deal with the current company I work for that if they had my back, I'd stay in return.

Believe you me, I came up with a lot of lists.

Pros and Cons.

I'm not saying I'll never make it there.

I'm not even doubting my abilities anymore.

I'm thinking, I need to honor my word.

My integrity is worth more than a paycheck.

After coming to that realization, 

It was easy for me to foresee a future in BC

I will be there.

I will come prepared.

I hope that one day, my kids read this and realize that integrity should always outweigh personal gain.

That through hard work, any goal can be accomplished.

I can't say for sure this job will be waiting for me in the next while.

I do know that there will be a job for me when the time is right.

When I have done all that I can to fulfill my primary commitment.

When it is time for me to move on without looking back.

That if it doesn't work out, I have somewhere to come back to.

Integrity is a big part of who I am. 

I am someone of my word.

No matter the cost.

Do You Know What It's Like?

Do you ever know what it's like to have so much to say.
But you can't say anything at all?

You want to scream at the top of your lungs.
But you can't because you might be heard.

Nothing is going the way it's supposed to
But you can't tell anyone...

You want to give up
But you don't have the strength.

Do you ever know what it's like to give so much away.
But you have nothing for yourself?

You want to walk away from it all
But you can't because you've nowhere to go.

Nothing is the way it was supposed to be
But you can't tell anyone...

Do you ever know what it's like to have to make a choice.
But you're not sure you made the right one?

You want to curl up in the middle of the bed in a ball
But you can't because too many people are counting on you.

You want to throw it all away.
But you can't tell anyone...